Today we celebrate the Conversion of St Paul, who teaches us that “by grace you have been saved by faith”.  Yet both our readings express something of the doubt and confusion involved in the life of faith.  In Acts 9:1-22, Paul, once so certain of his faith, is blinded, unable to see, not knowing where he is going.  Ananias is also confused and uncertain when God calls him to visit the man who has been an enemy to him and his fellow believers.   It is Ananias faith, his ability to take a risk and follow God into the unknown despite his doubts, that brings healing, sight and faith to St Paul.  In our gospel, Matthew 19:27-30, the disciples are also experiencing doubt: they have taken the risk of faith, they have left everything, yet they are uncertain of their future.  

They, like we, want security, they want to know where they are going.  We like to feel in control of our own lives and it is often only when the rug is pulled out from beneath us, when, like Paul, we are groping blindly and are unsure of the way to go, that we place our trust in God.  Wealth, status and health are ephemeral but the merciful love of God is enduring.  

When we feel lost and disorientated by life’s events, this is not the end of faith, but it’s beginning. 

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